


Not the ideal hostage

by Jaro (ARealSlimScotty)



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Criminals, I don't know what I'm doing, M/M, Patryk is a weird sinnamon role thief, Paul is really unhealthy?, Paul?? Does crime?? I guess??, Tord might be there but idfk, hahaha, like he lives off of cigarettes and coffee?, someone help this poor man??, they're gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:31:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8392711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARealSlimScotty/pseuds/Jaro
Summary: Paul takes a hostage, with the hopes of getting his demands from the police. His hostage? Patryk. Little does he know, Patryk is not the ideal hostage, as he's a wanted criminal.aka I suck at summaries and just want more things in the Paultryk tag.





	1. Chapter 1

When Patryk woke up, he wasn’t greeted with the warmth and comfort of his bed or the familiar scenery of his house. Instead, he was greeted with the cold, stark interior of somewhere he’d never been. He wasn’t lazily stretched across his bed under piles of blankets, he was bound with rope on a concrete floor. It wasn’t a situation he’d been in before. Well, it was familiar in its own way, he supposed. He assumed that he was in an abandoned warehouse or something of the like. He’d been in situations like this before, but he wasn’t usually the one tied up. He was normally the Captor. He’d never been the hostage.

How’d he get taken hostage again? Oh yeah. Earlier that day he was on his way to a payday loan play with no intentions of getting a loan when he was hit with a tranquilizer. At first, he assumed that the police saw through his get-up and were taking him into custody, but as he was losing consciousness he caught a glimpse of his captor. His captor wasn’t a police officer. His train of thought quickly derailed and he found himself thinking of the payday loan company he was going to rob. How would they guard the safe? Where was the safe again? He had a plan but the tranquilizer must have fucked with his head. He forced his thoughts back to the situation at hand. 

“Hello? You here?” He called out, “It’s me your hostage! I’m awake…” He wondered whether or not his captor was even here, and if he was, was he awake? … What time was it? How long was he out?

“Oh… You’re awake,” His captor sneered, “That makes things all the more difficult. I'll have to talk to both you and the police, now… As if the police aren't going to be difficult enough.” The man’s voice was practically dripping with annoyance. Patryk could relate to him though, hostages were usually pretty whiny. Patryk turned his head towards his captor to get a better look at him. 

He had short brown hair and intense eyebrows that paired well with his coffee-colored eyes. He had dark bags under his eyes and He had a bit of stubble on his chin. He wore an oversized crimson turtleneck over a pair of jeans, and he pulled it all together with a frown and a cigarette. This man made annoyance and a lack of sleep look stunning. Patryk realized he was staring and turned his head back. He wasn’t expecting his captor to look so hot. Criminals are surprising people though, he supposed. Perhaps it was the tranquilizer. His head felt rather foggy, so maybe he just found an unattractive man attractive for not reason.

“Hey man, can you untie me?” Patryk asked as he wriggled around in his binds, “Wait, wait, wait- before you say ‘No I won’t untie you, you’re my hostage’ hear me out. I have three reasons for you to untie me, and I’d like you to hear them first. So number one, I’m kind of a wanted criminal. Yeah. I’m not gonna be a very good hostage, as I’m assuming the police want both of us. Number two, I have plans for today! I was on my way to a payday loan place, and by the way, I had no intentions of getting a loan. And finally, number three, being tied up is a bit of a turn on for me and I don’t want things to get awkward between us. Don’t get me wrong you’re incredibly attractive and all, but I’d like to dine and dash you a dinner first. I’m Patryk, by the way.” The tranquilizer basically abolished his thought to speech filter, so he simply poured out his thoughts. His captor stood there for a second , somewhat shocked as if he was processing everything Patryk said bit by bit. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. After a few minutes of awkward silence and uncomfortable glances, his captor replied.

“I guess I have no choice,” he grumbled as he dropped to his knees and began untying Patryk, “Just my luck, the one person I decide to take as my hostage is a perverted wanted criminal… There you are. My names Paul, before you ask.” Paul stood up and stared at Patryk for a bit. He puffed on his cigarette and checked his watch before picking Patryk up off the floor. “I’m just going to assume the tranquilizer is still in your system, considering how honest you’re being. I don’t think you’ll be able to walk for a bit so I’m stuck carrying you to my place...Are you okay with that? Don’t worry I didn’t tell the police I was here and have a hostage yet, so they don’t know your whereabouts.” Paul looked down only to see a sleeping Patryk in his arms. He sighed and began walking home.

As he was walking he found himself wondering about the things Patryk said. He was a criminal, too? How active was he? How wanted was he? Was he a petty robber or something more sinister? As he let his mind wander he soon began thinking about the other things Patryk told him. Was he actually going to rob that title loan place? How much money did he have? Was being tied up actually a turn on for him? Or was that some weird excuse? Would Patryk actually take him out for dinner? Would he even remember that conversation? How old is he? His mind flooded with unwanted questions about the man sleeping in his arms. He took a drag of his cigarette and kept on walking. 

“You’ve been away from humans for too long,” he mumbled to himself, “It’s only natural you’d be curious about the first one you’ve interacted with in a while.” 

After what felt like an eternity, Paul made it to his apartment. It was a shitty, one bedroom apartment, but it was fine for him. He lied Patryk down on the couch and walked into the kitchen. As he began brewing himself a pot of coffee, he began thinking of how weird it was to have another person in his apartment. That last person to visit was Tord, and that was three years ago before he left to start his “Red Army” or whatever. He hadn’t had much human interaction since then. And while it felt kind of refreshing, it was also incredibly draining. He gave up on the coffee and decided he should just go to sleep. His plans were ruined for today, anyway. Paul walked into his bedroom and was soon fast asleep on his shitty excuse for a bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and I'll love you forever


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The criminals are gay, what more can I say?

When Patryk woke up he took a good look at his surroundings. Once again, he wasn’t in his house or in his bed. He wasn’t in the warehouse from before, either. He was in somebody’s apartment. How did he get there again? Why was he here? He remembered being hit with a tranquilizer, waking up in a warehouse… some guy named Paul? What he didn’t remember was coming here. After a while, he decided to get up and have a look around. 

The living room was incredibly bare, the only things in there were what looked like the cheapest couch in Ikea paired with the cheapest table. On the table, there was a book titled “How to Win Things and Influence People”. The walls were a stained white and the floor was what looked like old, wood print linoleum. Patryk almost preferred the warehouse to this. He walked into the kitchen and it was no better. The walls were all the same dirtied white. The floor was old linoleum as well but made to look like tile this time. There was a mini-fridge plugged into the wall, an unplugged microwave, and a coffeemaker that was left on sitting on the floor. There were no counters but there was a seemingly broken sink in the wall near the window. Patryk grabbed the coffee pot and found that it was still lukewarm. He took a sip of the drink and carried it off with him.  
He walked back into the living room, and this time brought his attention to the shut door next to the couch. He knocked lightly on the door and, after getting no response, opened it and walked inside. The room was dark and there didn’t appear to a light anywhere in the room. There were piles of books in the corners of the room, all with similar titles to the book in the living room. In the middle of the room, there was what appeared to be a bed… or what was supposed to be a bed. Was that even a bed? It was a mattress on the floor with a plain white throw sheet over it. On the mattress, there was a man sleeping under the sheet. Paul? Well, nobody else was here, so he assumed it was Paul. He was all the way under the sheet so it was hard to tell. He walked closer to the mattress and decided to take the sheet off so he could check whether or not it was Paul. However, the moment he moved the sheet, Paul jolted awake.

“WHAT THE FUCK??” He yelled as he backed away from Patryk, after a moment his panicky expression faded into one of annoyance, “Oh it's just you.” The two stood there in silence for a minute. Patryk was awkwardly fumbling with the sheet in his hand, and Paul glared at him.

“Y-you’re pretty paranoid aren’t you?” Patryk nervously chuckled, breaking the silence. He set the sheet down and took a sip from the coffee pot he carried in from the kitchen. Paul stood up and glared at Patryk once more. Patryk wondered whether Paul was really glaring at him, or if his face was just looked perpetually angry.

 

“What the hell are you doing with my coffee pot?” Paul hissed, snatching the pot from Patryk. He took a sip of the lukewarm coffee and grimaced. “How are you drinking this? It’s cold.”

“Well I figured I could use some coffee to wake me up, you know with the tranquilizer and all,” Patryk shrugged, “Although you look like you could use it more than me.” 

“Shut up,” Paul grumbled as he walked through the door and made his way into the kitchen. Patryk followed behind, much to Paul’s dismay. He unplugged the coffee maker and plugged in the microwave. “You can leave now, you know.” He said, sitting on the floor and placing the coffee pot into the microwave. He turned the microwave on for thirty seconds and hit start.

“Nah, I’m gonna hang out with you for a bit!” Patryk declared, smiling at Paul, “You shot me with a tranquilizer, tied me up, took me to an abandoned warehouse, and dragged me to your sorry excuse of a home… Or at least, I assume you dragged me here I don’t remember. But anyway- I think it’d only be polite to let me stay and chat.”

“Whoever said I was trying to be polite? Also, yes, I did drag you here. But don’t get the wrong idea! I just didn’t know where to take you… Can you leave now? You know how you got here, so you can go right?”

“Nope! Plus, I have some questions for you!”

“I don’t intend on answering any questions.”

“And I don’t intend on leaving until you answer some!” Patryk Laughed. The microwave had started beeping a while ago, but only now did Paul take the coffee out. He stood up and walked back into the living room, taking a seat on the couch. Patryk plopped down beside him. “So why are you living in this shitty place?” He asked.

“It’s only temporary,” Paul sighed. He took a sip of the coffee and winced a bit at the heat, but he seemed to be overall unfazed by the burn.

“And how long is temporary?” Patryk questioned. He scooted closer to Paul, who scooted further from Patryk in return. Paul paused for a bit and stared at the ceiling, he then began to count on his fingers. After a bit, he replied,

“...Maybe Three years now? Four?” Paul responded. He took another sip of coffee. Patryk continued to hammer Paul with questions, but Paul answered none of them. Eventually, Patryk stopped and the two sat in silence. Not necessarily uncomfortable silence, but not pleasant silence either. The two barely knew each other but this felt like the sort of thing old friends did on a Sunday afternoon. Not two strangers, at god knows what hour on some day of the week. 

“Do you have anything to eat?” Patryk asked, breaking the silence. He was beginning to feel hungry, as he hadn’t eaten since a little before the whole “hostage” thing. 

“No, not unless you count cigarettes.” Paul chuckled. He smiled a little at his own joke. Patryk couldn’t help but stare, that was the first time he’d ever seen Paul smile. Sure, he was smiling at his own shitty joke, but he was still smiling. And, fuck, it was cute. Patryk looked away from paul before replying.

“Well let’s get some food then! My treat!” Patryk said getting up. Paul hesitated a bit before getting up, but eventually he stood beside Patryk. He hadn’t eaten in roughly two days so he was quite hungry and he knew that it was unhealthy to live off of coffee and cigarettes forever. He decided that having a meal with Patryk wouldn't be too bad. As irritated as he was by Patryk’s presence, he was somewhat happy that Patryk was taking him out to eat like he said he would. His company wasn’t nearly as terrible as it could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing witty to add but I still feel the need to type here.


End file.
